Indoor/Outdoor Entomos

Posted: August 17, 2018 in Blog
Tags: , , ,

Here’s a familiar topic for my readers. It’s summer, after all. How could we get through a whole summer and I haven’t done one entomo post? So I have to do it. Many posts back, we determined that I have entomophobia—the fear of insects. Not ALL insects. Centipedes. Specifically, house centipedes.

https://urbantidepool.com/2014/12/16/if-you-knew-what-bugged-me/

https://urbantidepool.com/2017/03/27/bad-ass-adulting-in-entomo-season/

It’s even been a subject of Facebook posts for me. “Somewhere in a parallel universe, there’s a bug version of Criminal Minds playing out and investigators are standing over dismembered centipedes saying, ‘Given this level of overkill, this is clearly the work of a centiped-acidal maniac.’  Yes. Arrest me now.”

I do battle with the entomos at least once a year. My new and growing friendship with the Orkin man makes a statement that is clear and concise and includes none of the stuttering that I am prone to when I speak to someone I think is cute. (Slow down, Tiger. That’s a story for another day.) Plainly, entomos are not welcome here. I come by this phobia honestly after summers spent with my brother who was stationed in Mississippi and then in Florida where bugs were so big they should have been assigned their own zip code.  I now choose to live in the land of blizzards and subzero temps for a reason: minimal bugs.

Hence, it was a surprise to me this week while I was changing laundry from the washer to the dryer to be rushed by an entomo with way too many legs.  I’m certain he was snapping and snarling at me, as they do, unless you find them wearing a shower cap and standing in the bathtub with you. It totally brings out the butch warrior in me. I can neither confirm nor deny the things that may or may not have happened right at that moment of us recognizing each other.

  1. I squeaked at a pitch that I will never be able to reach on a normal day
  2. I grabbed hold of my pant legs and hiked them 8 inches above my sneakers
  3. I got on the phone and booked a cruise to Alaska
  4. I stomped on it so hard I thought I may have sprained my ankle
  5. A, B and D

If you picked E, sorry. I’ll send you a postcard from Anchorage.

No, seriously, if you picked E, you may now have an image in your head that won’t go away for days. My apologies. You probably did not wake up this morning wondering if I ever wear Life is Good quarter socklets in a smashing cadet blue color. But there they were. In my defense, when I cleaned up the mess, I had to wipe extra legs off my sneaker and I won’t get that image out of my head for a while either. I think you got the better end of the deal with the socklets image.

Anyway…

It was right at that moment that I realized that this was not an ordinary house entomo. This was a garden entomo, the kind I see when I dig or move something that has been sitting on soil for a while. This guy did not belong in the house.

I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a fleeting touch of regret as I contemplated about 42 twitching limbs. His, not mine. (You’re welcome.) I mean, what if he wasn’t really snapping and snarling at me? What if I only THOUGHT he was snapping and snarling at me but he was lost and confused on a tile floor and he was running toward me to wave me down and ask directions? Just like our dads did when we got lost on vacation. (Yeah. Don’t get me started there.) Or maybe it’s like that spider meme—What if that spider you just killed thought you were his roommate? Sure, you didn’t think about that. You only think about yourself.

Don’t judge.

Sometimes, I guess, the best you can do is hike your pant legs 8 inches above your sneakers and squeak and try to carry on. It’s all in a day’s work for a bad ass who’s trying to adult. Or (more appealing) we can just plan to meet in Juneau. That’s good too.

fear

 

Comments
  1. Susan says:

    Must say, I get these visuals while reading your insect adventures….. pant legs up etc
    And I ROAR!!!! Needed this today. ♥️

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